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Post by lions_go_rawr on Feb 18, 2008 14:45:16 GMT -8
The chill in the air made the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. I could not remember how I came by my location, but the clearing within the trees seemed to be no harm to me. The night sky was cloudy, like one of those nights you hope that somehow the moon will break through. Yet some sinking feeling within my gut told me that this was one night that I hoped the moon kept itself hidden away.
I knew what I was, but had no recollection of the events that happened while I was, well put, beside myself. At night, I saw flashes of images, so real, but I tried and tried to convince myself that they were all just dreams. Terrible, terrible dreams. But that same feeling in my gut told me that I was far from dreaming.
A howl in the distance…
I felt the winds change and noticed the cloudy overcast moving. The clearing that I now stood in was my worst enemy. Open, exposed. Just my luck I thought. My vision caught rays of the moon above streaking through the clouds. I knew it was imminent. In just a few moments, the person that I knew would be pushed back into some small crevice of my mind, letting the animal within me take over.
Another howl…
The clearing was suddenly bathed in the silver light of the moon above. I felt my blood drain from my face, running cold, but also felt my blood boil like never before. The breeze that had rustled the leaves of the trees did not chill my body to the core anymore. My weight suddenly gave out and I tumbled to the ground below me, my changing bone structure unable to support my weight. The ground now became my safety net, the dirt the cushion to my fall and the soil what my hand grasped as the pain started to consume my body.
I heard the bones in my body cracking and shuffling before I actually felt the pain that came with it. My eyes clenched shut and a cry of pain escaped my lips. Many people, uneducated people, think that the process of transforming is pain free, an instantaneous transformation. What they will never know is the pain, as the tears escaped my eyes. Never feel the shifting of bones and moving organs. My skin soon ignited in burning pain while the hair on my body grew longer and became coarse. Moments of agony went on for minutes, the pain slowly subsiding for just a few seconds. The clearing was silent enough that you could hear a pin drop.
My breathing was harsh, trying to catch my breath. Yet the air was shoved from my lungs as I felt my facial features change. My nose and face, once human, stretched outwards to form a wolves’ muzzle. My eyes started to dim, I presumed from the pain, and I went blind. Then it seemed as like the whole world had lit up in a blaze of fire. I could see everything, from the details of the blades of grass below my wolf paws, to the crawling ants on the trees yards away. My newly formed canine ears heard all that went on around me. I heard the bugs in the grass. I heard the owl swoop in the trees above me. In the distance, I heard people talking. I could not understand them in my new form, so I paid no attention to them. Even their smell, like death, kept me away. They were intruders in my own forest. But I still showed no interest in them. I was no longer human, no longer interested in human things. The man I once was, now locked away in a corner of the wolf mind, only to take control once the night subsided.
I lifted my head to let out a scream, but no humanly sound came out. A howl escaped me. Again, I tried, but howled once more. The night was my home. The moon watched over me. It called to me.
So I ran.
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Post by lions_go_rawr on Apr 1, 2008 15:04:18 GMT -8
Lust: a passionate or overmastering desire or craving. Every being that walks this earth feels it. Man lusts for the female form, the curves and soft skin drawing out the animalistic instincts within. Supernatural beings such as the night dwelling vampires lust for the thick crimson that courses through the frail veins of human beings. The scent of blood fuels the part of their unknown forgotten soul, through these cold skinned immortals. Yet I am torn- the human and immortal within me are at a constant war. I lusted for something more, while the animal within me wanted nothing of my longings. I sat alone. The trees of the forest surrounded me and played tricks on my senses and my weak human vision. Flashes of light shown through the gaps in the tree tops, causing a jolt up my spine and a slight jump in my position. No. It was not time yet. My racing heart slowed as I titled by head back against the trunk of a tree. I was still new to this life, still unsure of what to do, or when the night would become both my enemy and my sanctuary. I took a deep breath and let go of a sigh, closing my eyes in the process. With my eyes shut, I focused on one thing: nothing. I wanted to block out everything because everything was who I was not. But even as that thought passes from my subconscious, the animal in me that I saw so clearly bit down on heart, causing my lips to part and a howl to escape from my lungs. I took off running. The moon, that dammed orb that haunted my being had returned once more. Just like the time before last. The running numbed the pain of the change as the acids in my legs wore on my muscles, causing a steady burn. The burn was the least of my problems, so I ignored it, keeping my current running path. “They do not sweat and whine about their condition,” a quote by someone that I frankly did not care about. But it was true. The wolf that was now my present self kept the running while the human part of me complained and tried to stop my legs from running. But the canine blood that mixed with my own was overpowering, dominant, and my human self retreated into the captivity of the back of my mind, letting the wolf take over. I felt the wolf slow to a stop and I did not know why. Running was keeping me sane, yet the body that was now my own stopped suddenly. I opened my eyes and saw a massive drop-off, obviously meaning that we stood perched on a cliff. The hanging full moon in the distance, mocking my life. Why did he stop? Was this my own doing, moreover my human self fighting for control? My own memories at that moment sprung to life, leaking like water from a dam. I knew the part of me, the wolf saw all that I saw and sat silently, mocking my human emotions. It felt nothing that I felt, I knew this. My memories dancing before my eyes showed visions of friends and loved ones I have. No. I had. I pulled myself away from these memories, causing them to disappear, just as I pulled away from them in reality. I was afraid of what I was, that I would end up causing them more pain, or worse, causing them the pain that I currently feel. I could not be the cause of their downfall. I would not have it that way. From the cloud of my vanished memories, I looked up and saw the pale yellow eyes of me, of my wolf. This was my life now, or life during the moon from which I could not escape. Humans lust for humans. Vampires lust for blood. My wolf lusted for everything I wasn’t. My human lusted for everything the wolf wasn’t.
I lusted for freedom.
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Post by lions_go_rawr on Apr 10, 2008 23:45:25 GMT -8
Sloth: Disinclination to action or labor; sluggishness; laziness; idleness.I needed shelter to survive, that I knew. My brain told me I couldn’t just go walking around the forest night and day. I was only a monster when the moon shone full and high against the black starry backdrop that was the sky. I was human, but some part of me wished the wolf would break from my soul to help my weak, desperate human self. A crack drew across the sky followed by a flash of light. The rain came down like cats and dogs, ironically. The water that came from the grey clouds utterly soaked me to the bone, freezing my insides from the outside. I was cold as ice. This was one of those times when I wished the moon would leave its hiding place in the sky to save my cold frame yet torture my soul. Damn moon! How it could taunt me so. I wanted those sharp canine senses of the wolf to be mine at this very moment. To have the night lit up like it was daytime. Damn moon! I sat under the tree hiding from the rain while my soaked clothing reminded me on how much life had changed for me… “Hurry up Daniel, we’re going to be late!”A thin, pale boy said. He was running along a dirt path to a small house, smoke billowing gently out of the chimney above it. Trudging behind him was a smaller boy, not as pale as the first, but a bit heavier than his brother. “You’re slow! Come on! Mother is not going to be happy with us. The moon is almost out and we’re late because of you. You’re such a sloth!” He said, all in good fun, yet not knowing the pain that it caused the smaller boy. The two children reached the door of the home, opening it. The thin boy went inside first, with the smaller, plumper one following.
“Nicholas?” The smaller one called out, noticing his brother had suddenly vanished. The boy searched the home, turning into a doorway, expecting to find his brother, but instead found a pair of glaring yellow eyes. He only had seconds to realize what was happening when the wolf jumped…The thunder clapped around me, snapping back my mind back into reality. That memory truly was mine, yet the wolf was all an illusion. What was happening to me? Never had I felt such a strong memory such as that. The thunder clapped again and the lightning flashed. The storm only seemed to be getting worse, and the moon was nowhere in time to be full to save me. I decided to get up and walk, the back of my mind telling my body to find shelter, while my body told him to walk to stay warm. I needed both, warmth and shelter, yet warmth won out over looking for a place to survive. I could ride out the storm, I knew I could. I had ridden out worse things before… “Your mother is dying. We do not know what from, so we can do nothing to save her. I’m sorry.” The doctor had told he and his older brother. They were the men of the house, their father wandering off like a coward when there was any sign of misfortune. He and his brother went to his mothers’ bedside, her harsh breaths scaring Daniel to the core. He had never seen death before. No one he knew had ever been sick enough to die. Sure, he had known people to die, but to watch them fade away before his own eyes, it was something to be wary of.
“You need to do something.” Nicholas said to me. To me, the younger brother. Was it not his duty to be the head male of the home? Not my own duty. I did not know what to do, or even had the capabilities to get anything done in such a short amount of time.
“I can’t do anything Daniel. Neither of us can.”
“Don’t say that. Stop being lazy and save mother! You always were so lazy, and now you won’t even get over that to save her. I hate you!” He walked away from the bed, slamming the door of the room behind him.
“Daniel…” a hoarse voice from in front of the boy broke the angry tone within the room.
“M-mother?” He replied to the woman laying still in bed.
“Daniel, let me die. You cannot do anything to save me. Let me die. But you, you need to survive. Survive Daniel. Survive…”
The woman took her last breath as the door behind the boy and the body of his mother swung open. He turned and saw those same glaring yellow eyes, along with a smoky shape of a dog accompanying it. He saw the creature’s muscles coil and expected the jump, cowering and waiting for the impact…
I stopped and cowered underneath another tree. Cowered… I felt like a child again. Yet there were those eyes again. What did it all mean? The message surely was not getting into my mind, and yet it seemed like something was tugging at my soul and will. I had been putting off finding shelter from the harsh environment around me. But now I realized he needed it as soon as possible. My feet were chilled to the core and I was sure I had cracked teeth from chattering so much A noise pierced my ears and echoed over the sound of the rain in the trees. It was a howl, it was unmistakable. It was a wolf howl, plain as day. It was close by. Another howl pierced the night air, so loud in my head that it caused me to fall to the ground in pain. The sound echoed in my head, reminding me of what I was, and with my eyes clenched shut, I did all in my power and tried to fight back. The ground was my platform for battle, and I rolled around, trying to get the howl out of my head. I thrashed over the floor, then seemingly off the side of a hillside, where still fighting the splitting pain in his head, I came to a halt. The ringing in my head had finally stopped, and I was able to open my eyes. The yellow glaring eyes shone before me. I could smell the putrid, moist breath of the wolf on my face. I did not move, or falter. I glared right back. I was not going to go down against a wolf, who I could consider my own brother. Time seemed to stand on edge, minutes dragged by. I kept my figure, crouched, staring intently at the creature, waiting for it to give up. My mind begged it to give up. I watched it more closely, seeing the breaking point reaching the animal. I was no threat to him, just another thing that he could put beneath him in the forest. The wolf looked behind him into a darkness that I couldn’t make out. Then looked back at me, before it took off in a run in the opposite direction. I breathed a sigh of relief and then realized that the creature that just ran away actually save my life. I looked around in my surroundings to realize the howl had caused me to roll into a cave. I had shelter from the elements outside, and it was warm. I felt my bones start to defrost. I heard the wolf howl off in the distance. A howl of defiance and survival. It knew how to survive, and so taught me how, knocking the lazy out of me. I could survive. “But you, you need to survive. Survive Daniel. Survive…”
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Post by lions_go_rawr on Jun 27, 2009 9:15:15 GMT -8
Pride (Latin, superbia)- a high or inordinate opinion of one's own dignity, importance, merit, or superiority, whether as cherished in the mind or as displayed in bearing, conduct, etc.
Time had come and gone since I had seen a scrap of human existence. I had evolved quicker than others had, I had guessed, and soon found the ability to change at will, forcing the mortal, weak human into the pits of nothingness. I had realized soon after my first transformation that the strong, cunning wolf would let me live just a bit longer in the cruel human world. That was how I was surviving, and as the winter drew nearer and nearer, I knew that only that wolf inside me would be what kept me alive. I was happy to be alive.
The cold came on strong, much stronger than I expected. I hoped to have found a new place to dwell, some place that was far away from my last lodgings. The area that I had left…it was no more a happy town, but one that was rumored to be run amok with a vicious man-eating wolf, giant in size, that could read minds, or something of that sort. Quite frankly, I was the one to blame for those rumors, and do not consider myself at all innocent in the panic that was caused in that small town. But now I had found a new place to live, for the time being. The woods surrounding the town would shelter me more than the buildings in the town could shelter my human self. That part of my existence was slowly dying off inside me, and I was happy living as a wolf, proud to be living as a wolf. But that human never really died off. Instead, I had my own mortal self surge back into my mind. The wolf was challenged. The human was its challenger. The victor would not survive the battle that would ensue…
Some people walk through this world blind.
As far as I could tell, there was nothing wrong with me. I had come to finally reside in one place, instead of my roaming from town to town, just waiting for the moment to run myself out of town. I had come to disguise myself as a gentleman, if that is what you can call a man in stolen coat, fancy for what it was, wandering about town from pub to pub, seeking social conversation, occasionally flirting with women who thought I had money, even when my pockets were as empty as the trees during winter. What they did not know was that I had been sneaking into what were otherwise empty houses, empty rooms to keep out of the cold at night. It was simple, to get in and get out as quickly as I had come. No one noticed, no one cared. They turned a blind eye to where this unknown gentleman that they had labeled me as was from altogether. I did not mind. I was happy to be anything other than the self that existed inside me. A respectable gentleman, though, would not dare reveal that side to anyone. I made sure I kept my secret hidden. It meant my “life” that I had come to create here.
It had been almost a month since that experience in forest. Night after night I had searched my mind for the reason why I had been running. Maybe it was that I was afraid of losing what I had. But in all actuality, I had noting. That did not stop me though. I was an unstoppable force in my own mind, even when on the outside, I was as weak as the next man. But I did not let that weakness get to me. No, my pride was bigger than that. I was not weak. I was powerful. I was not old. I was young, ever fruitful. I had everything my heart desired, even when I had nothing real at all, nothing to prove it. But I had my pride. I had flirted with disaster in the forest, but I came out on top. I was proud. Nothing could possibly topple me from my position I created for myself in high society.
The wine and alcohol that flowed almost every single night in my presence was enough to satisfy the human in me, but left the wolf within restless. I was resisting what I had come to realize was what kept me alive. I had not changed back into that wolf in over a month, and when I thought about it, I had no real reason why I had not. Maybe I was the one who was too proud to change back to such a creature. But was that really the reason? I knew it was my savior. I knew it, and yet I pushed it away. It fought me though, from the inside. You have no idea what it feels like to fight back a part of you that is so strong, so powerful and overwhelming that resides within your soul. There were nights I vomited in the agony of the fight. I blamed it on the recent intake of alcohol consumption. I screamed in my sleep, causing me to almost be found more than once. I blamed it on bad dreams. Something about a murderer or some made up fairy tale that would appease those I told. I knew it was not any of these things. I realized that the being within me, as strong as it was, could both help me to survive, but in the end, become my downfall. I was constantly weakened all the time, my complexion grew pale, and at moments, I could not even leave the homes I had hidden myself away in. I felt something I had not felt since I was a child. I felt the cold breath of death breathing around me. I knew it was there, I knew how I could get the figure in black to recede back to the cold depths that it resided, but I could not bring myself to the change.
That night I left the town. I was too weak to keep up my appearance as a gentleman, and there were already talks of an imposter in the town. I had to escape. My life depended on it. Once in the outskirts of the town, I completely broke down. Physically exhausted, my body screamed for rest, for relief. I knew what had to happen for this relief to come. But I could not do it. I had found a new sense of pride in being a human again. I had lost it as the wolf consumed me, and now the man I once had been returned. No change would come tonight. Yet in my head, I heard the sound of laughter. Not my own laughter, something more mocking, more sinister. I knew it was the wolf, laughing at my struggle to be human. It knew just as well as I knew that I would succumb to what it wanted. Embrace me, it taunted. Become who you really are, who you know you were meant to be. He was right, and I knew it.
I walked through that town blind. But now I saw what I should have all along. The wolf still laughed.
I let the wolf win. The human in me lost.
I was proud. Somehow, I was proud.
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Post by lions_go_rawr on Jun 29, 2009 17:04:13 GMT -8
Wrath (noun): strong vengeful anger or indignation
The situation was simple: Kill or be killed. Survive as one of the strong species walking the planet, or be crushed under the weight of a heavier foot. The more I delved deeper into the wolf that consumed my soul, the more I came to realize this as my new way of life.
I had shunned myself from the human world for the time being. No one missed me, for I was not a person that would be missed if I went missing. The town I had lived in recently, where I flaunted about as a rich figure of a gentleman would have thought I just moved on to another town, seeking worldly pleasures elsewhere. They would never know that the howls they thought they heard in the night coming from the forest were from that faux gentleman they once knew. I slowly began to forget out myself as a human being. The wolf was all I needed to be to survive.
I came to think that there was no other life than the one I was starting to make as the wolf. My mind came to believe that there was never a human being named Daniel that inherited the powers of the wolf. This being, part of the race the two legged freaks that destroyed the forests to make way for their way of life was never in actual existence. Gone were the memories of brick homes and beds to sleep in, replaced with memories of welcoming caves and hard floors, sheltering from the cold weather outside.
As the wolf, I knew that surviving alone would kill me sooner than later. I knew how to survive well enough alone, but wolves lived in packs, besides the lone wolves who had been pushed out of their respective pack. The pack was family, defending and providing for one another. I needed a pack of my own. The wolf knew how to find others, I trusted his internal instincts, but there was still a sense of trepidation within me. What if I was not wolf enough for those real wolves that had always been that way since their creation? I had just been granted their form, their instincts, and as much as I let the soul of the wolf control me, I still felt an outsider.
I spent weeks searching the forests for any pack that seemed like I would fit. I followed scents, all foreign to my nose. I followed howls in the distance, running in the direction in which my body said the noise was coming from. Time after time, my search ended up fruitless. I found nothing but remnants of the place a pack once was, as they had moved to a different section of their territory. The idea of their territories is what feared me the most. I knew that to even consider myself to be one of the pack, I would have to fight for my place. I was not part of the nuclear family that usually shaped a wolf pack. I was not even full wolf, and yet I tried to force myself into living the way I imagined a wolf would, the way the soul of the wolf in me thought was the proper way.
I began to become restless as the search continued on. I grew angry as the time ticked by. The empty forest was not spared from my anger. Every time the search proved to be nothing, the trees grew full of angered slashes. If one looked enough, the trail of dead forest animals would have led right to my hiding space. I did not kill to survive; I killed out of sheer anger. Nothing was going the way I had hoped. But then again, there were no hopes within the wolf mind. Only instinct. And my instincts told me to keep on searching. Anger be damned, I would keep on searching until I found my rightful place.
The howl in the distance caught my attention. I had not heard howls in a day or more, leading me to believe that my search should be abandoned, yet this sudden howl gave me some hope. I took off running in the direction it came from. The howl was close, not far enough away that I could fail once again in finding a pack. Again, a howl struck the air, and I felt the presence of other wolves in the vicinity. I felt the air become tense. My presence, foreign and unknown was surely already made to the pack.
I could feel the unspoken communication going on between the members of this pack. There must have been four, maybe five. There might have been others that I did not see, or that just were not present. It was easy to distinguish which wolf was the leader, the Alpha of the group. He stood at the head of the pack, seemingly raised to a high level above the rest of the wolves within its presence. The creature exuded power, like the sun belts its rays out onto the earth. The power of this one wolf was so radiant that all of the same species in such a close proximity would have to feel it. I knew the moment I laid eyes on the leader that I was not accepted. It could have been the subtle contact of our eyes, or the low growl.
I heard its thoughts in my head rather than what I would assume as full conversation through wolf lines of communication. The thoughts were everything that I had expected to come of this meeting in the first place.
You are not of our kind, though you share our resemblance. You may look like one of us, howl like one of us, but you are not one of us. Your mind is not like ours, and you have a scent that brings fear into the minds of my pack.
Each word was like a blow to my mind. But I knew this was going to happen. I could not show my anger at the moment. I was too transfixed on this creature bringing me down to what was reality.
You are not welcomed in our presence. You must not come back to this area, on warning of certain death. We will kill you. Do not tempt my warning.
With that, he turned his back to me, the pack that had assembled to watch following suit. I was left alone in a surrounding new to me. I did not care though. My mind was racing. How could a creature lower than my physical being bring me down so low? Did my immortality mean nothing to him? I was just the stranger in his territory. But he had picked the wrong creature to go and insult. I was angry. No, I was beyond angry. Every bone in my body wanted to take out my anger on something. I was not just some creature that could be left out on the doorstep for the world to kick at as they pass by.
I knew that at that moment, it was the alpha that deserved to be in the position that I am in. He deserved to be kicked at by the human world, not me. He deserved to be told he was different. He was nothing like me. He was the one that did not belong. I was smarter, stronger, and most of all, immortal. He would fade away and pass into the earth, as where I would live on. If he could lead this pack as a mortal wolf, think of what could happen with an immortal leader. I had to have it. With my wrath as my will, I would take that spot of power from the creature brought reality into my eyes, and showed me just how powerful I could be.
I did not return immediately to the pack’s territory. It would be too dangerous to just waltz back to the scene where I was forbidden to return. I had to wait out my time, until I was sure that the pack, or more importantly the alpha would have forgotten about me. As each day passed by, I dwelt on the thought of being told that I was not to be accepted, that I was not like all the rest of the wolves were. The thought grew in my mind like some form of cancer, poisoning my veins with anger and wrath that would soon become my ally, would soon be the reason to my victory over the weaker wolf known as their Alpha. If you wanted to call it training while I bided my time, well, that is how I spent most of my day. I ran, planned strategy, hunted, and honed in on skills that the wolf mind seemed to only begin to understand. The forest was my training grounds, while the territory of the pack would be my proving ground. I was going to win this battle, and prove to that foolish, pathetic excuse for wolf kind that he was nothing compared to the animal I was.
Night fell quickly, and the feelings within me told me that everything that I had hoped and trained for would come to fruition. My plans would go into effect. I made my way slowly back to what I remember was the correct area of the wolf territory. I smelled the air, checking to see if any scents were familiar to me. Everything still seemed foreign, but this area was the place. I was sure of it. Though I knew I would come out victorious in this fight, I still knew there was the extreme threat that I may end up perishing. I did not expect it, but I could not be absolutely sure that I would escape without a single scratch.
The Alpha must have thought me stupid, to even consider coming back after his orders were put down into stone. This must have been the reason why I caught wind of his scent, alone, somewhere within the territory. This would be too easy. I wanted a fight. I wanted to have a full out bout to show him how strong I was, how different I was from all of them. Different was the way life would be from now on for this pack. They would have a stronger leader, and would be known through the forest as great ones. I would be great. The only thing that stood in my way was him.
I had the wind on my side. The wind was shifting my scent away from the ever knowing nose of the Alpha. I would be able to sneak up and attack him while he was weak, only to draw out some sort of attack. It would all work in my favor. I saw him, just a few feet from me as I snuck through the undergrowth. He was alone, that was certain. I could not smell any other of the pack of his at that moment. It was just he and I. He never would know what hit him at first. Until the wind shifted, and my scent went barreling towards him..
I heard his movement in my mind before I saw it. His thoughts went from peaceful tranquility to fully fledged wrath. Obviously, no creature had ever refused his orders. He was appalled, carrying his wrath to new levels, only matching up to my own. The plan had changed, and I knew the fight would last as long as the two of us had even an ounce of energy left in our bodies. This fight was not going to be conceded by either side. One would win, alive, and take the pack. The other would lose, and their body would be nothing more than a pile of flesh, unforgiven on an unforgiving ground.
The first blow knocked my mind into a stupor that I only awoke from after I was sure the fight had ended. I stood, bloodied and injured in every spot that his jaws had made contact. But I was the one still standing. The Alpha, on the other hand, quivered on the floor, gentle streams of crimson leaking from his injuries. The sight of it made me joyous. He felt the pain of being knocked down, seeing reality from another point of view, just as I had felt.
The rest of the pack had heard the sounds of our fighting and had gathered around, clearly confused to what had happened. Their clever, strong leader, reduced to nothing by the paws of an outsider. I felt their fear. They were afraid of me. There was no need. I had no quarrels with them, only their alpha. Yet I was their new alpha. After I this, I was the wolf in charge. My wrath, though outrageous and uncontrolled that lead me to win this battle, had obviously subsided, though I could still feel the rage from this once great alpha’s words streaming through my veins.
I beckoned the pack away, away from the bloodshed I had caused. I heard the faint breathing of the dying wolf by my feet. I still had compassion. I could still feel for this creature. But with its injuries, it could not be saved. Nature would surely overtake him. I passed him one last message, before I put him out of his pain.
No, I am of your kind. The shared resemblance is what bonds us, but I am stronger than the wolves you called your pack. I look like you, I howl like you, but I am not you. My mind is not like yours, and will bring a new era upon this pack, upon all wolves. I am the new generation. I am powerful. And I am Alpha. Now, rest peaceful brother. Let nature take you.
I snapped the wolf’s neck. There would be no peace for those who stood against me.
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Post by lions_go_rawr on Aug 13, 2009 15:12:28 GMT -8
Envy (noun): a feeling of discontent or covetousness with regard to another's advantages, success, possessions, etc.
I was absolutely consumed by it. You can even say that I envied it. I envied this new sort of life.
The idea that a man can live their life without feeling the sharp stings of envy coursing through their veins is a lie. No man can walk this earth, mortal or otherwise, without feeling the need to have more because of what another has. I used to think that I had it all. Everything I could ever want or need, I had at my fingertips. But now that I was consumed fully, there was no need to want. No need to ask for more, as a human traitor might do. The wolf that I had become had no need for that sort of mortal wants. I did not need to feel envious of my neighbor who had more food or money. There was no need for a currency as a wolf, and the secrets of the forest yielded all the food I could ever need. I had my pack to trust and protect. I was not out for only myself, as most humans are, but was the protector of the pack, the leader, the one that would go down fighting in order to save the lives of his innocent brethren. I needed nothing that mortals needed. At least I thought that was true. Living my life as a wolf within my newly found and newly ruled pack was nothing less, if not better than what I hoped. But somehow, I thought I was missing something.
Even though I called the wolf my true form and had come to agree with the spirit and blood of the wolf in me, my human side had begun to think of its past. The feelings that I thought were long since faded into the dark regions of my mind suddenly flooded all aspects of my brain. I was still consumed with the feelings of these mortals. I felt sadness, I felt happiness, and I felt the envy that slowly poisons the mind when something coveted from another. My human mind was actually making the wolf body sick to its stomach. It wanted nothing to do with the wolf. I wanted to be human again. I wanted nothing to do with the running through forests, hunting for food, and defending the pack that I had won my spot as leader within. I wanted out. I wanted my life back where it was before I was bitten. I just wanted to be human again. Envy seeped through my veins, acting as a poison to all regions of my body and mind.
I ran. It seemed as though that was all I possibly could do to get away from my problems. It did not matter that night had fallen and the land had gone dark hours ago. The wolf in me liked to run, dodging the low branches of the trees, escaping certain injury. Yet the human in me hated running. I wanted to stay put. I did not want to run, but sit and let life just come to me, not run to it or from it. To be certain, I did not know where exactly I was running to. Maybe the wolf knew a place to get away from everything. Maybe the human in me was leading me back to humankind somehow. It was a battle that I could feel in my mind, if that is even possible. I felt the wolf snarl in rage in my mind, as the human I once was readied his fists to fight the beast. Each “blow” slowed me down in speed, until I had come to a dead halt on a cliff. Behind me lay the forest, the home of the being I knew as my wolf. Spread below the cliff was what I recognized as my old home city. I had come to this place for a reason. The fighting in my mind had been completely silenced. All that could be heard was the sound of my wolf heart beating, along with the gentle breathing issuing from my muzzle. I had to make a choice: stay as a wolf and live forever being envious of the human I used to be or go back to living my old life, though everything about me had been thoroughly changed…
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